So I have this job. At a grocery store. To me, the job is extremely cliched where I live, simply because most fifteen-year-olds get a job as a bagger. It sucks because it is extremely tedious and boring and it just sucks. So here I am, whining a stupid teenage whine because I don’t want to go to my second day tomorrow.
Maybe it’s because I don’t really know anyone there, or maybe because I really have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing, but I just feel so awkward and weird and uncomfortable as I stand around, trying to think of something to do next.
It’s also weird having a job. It is also uncomfortable when someone expects you to do something correctly and, shocker, you don’t. Like some person overloads a cart with their groceries and when you ask if they want another, they expect their eggs to stay on the cart when they’re oh-so-carefully put on the very top of the overflowing buggy. Oh the woes of a “courtesy clerk”.
Enough of that. I’m on and Awkward. kick, starting from the beginning again with my mom. And do you know what the result of this is? The over analyzation of the lack of my love life.
For example, orientation was last week. I worked our school’s lacrosse booth, hoping to see “Shanghai” (AKA, the code name of the guy I’m crushing on). When he finally showed up, I was talking with one of his friends, Matthew McKetty, the charming and sweet guy that I once friend zoned (shockingly, not awkward). I was whining to Matthew that I was sitting all alone at the booth and he should send me people to talk to, when who else should walk in but the kid I’m totally crushing on, but barely talk to at all, whatsoever.
He walked in the door and I immediately looked over. How better to feel welcomed into room when the first person you make eye contact is the freaky, loud, obnoxious girl that happens to have a not-so-secret major crush on you?
McKetty immediately goes, “Oh there’s somebody you can talk to!” So he got up to try to get Matt- I mean “Shanghai”- to come talk to me. SO. As Shanghai is power walking through the cafeteria to the boys’ lacrosse booth, McKetty is trying to keep up, saying, “Hey look Matt, it’s Erin, you should go talk to her. Look, look!” How. Embarrassing.
Shanghai finally did glance over at me when he was writing his contact information for this year’s season. I sat there awkwardly. Shocker. He tried to pull the same stunt leaving, but of course I thought to say, “Hey Matt-” (McKetty committed to looking over more so than the other one did) “-get his schedule.” So that was what McKetty bugged him about on the way out.
I got the schedule, Shanghai walked off and didn’t stick around. I looked, with shaking hands, but alas, we had no classes together. I didn’t look at lunches. Might as well wait to be surprised.
Similar stunts happened in the office when I was talking to his friend about the classes we have together (a friend who is equally as weird, but one that I’m actually on speaking terms with). And then, when I was talking to McKetty’s mom and Shanghai was looking for someone, he finally made eye contact with me to ask if I’d seen the kid he was looking for.
As I sit her girling over this, I hope he was looking me over and soaking me in for the first time since the second to last day of school last year. I hope he was hoping he wasn’t so shy or awkward or that he wished that we would get to know each other better. I hope that he wished he could kiss me or date me or talk to me about SOMETHING, but thought of nothing that we have in common except lacrosse (not all true. we have camp in common, but I’m not sure he knows that. I could talk for hours and learn a whole bunch of stuff from him, just on that one subject.
But sadly, none of that really came through except there was a weird expression in his eyes (I’m not one of those girls who thinks she can tell how a guy is feeling or what he is thinking by his eyes) that was nervous about what he was seeing or something. I don’t know. And maybe I never will. But for now, he is just a figment of my far and distant imagination. And the distance he is away seems like he is in a complete other universe or galaxy, one that is much different from mine, but with similar properties that could come together in an awesome and truly spectacular way.
Enough girling. Hit the sack.